These past few days seem to have existed in a state of perpetual dampness. My photos and the slips of paper I have stuck to my walls have been curling up at the corners and the evaporative air conditioning seems to do nothing but make the tiled floors slippery. Today finally there is a small reprieve.
This past week has been a lesson in how all of the best laid plans can quickly go awry. I bought a car and within a couple of days the battery failed and I was stranded outside work miles away from home. Luckily I have excellent friends who came to rescue me, giving me a jump start to get it home where it is now sitting unresponsive on my driveway. The past two days have been spent within the confines of home driving myself up the wall. It’s funny, I like being home but only when I have the choice. I’m keeping myself occupied by writing extensive lists of things to do, things to pay, things to put into an emergency car kit, realising that even if I did put a 42 piece glove box tool kit into my car I still wouldn’t have the faintest idea how to use it, thinking about whether we need a new household first aid kit, trying to remember the name of a swiss army knife (googled: utility knife nail file corkscrew… result.), washing all of my bedding and now finally I’m sitting down to write this. Apparently I’m not good at being idle.
I’ve been thinking a lot about cynicism lately. I feel like the past couple of years have made me a harder person in some ways. I feel let down by people in a broad context, disappointed that as a society we have ended up in the state we are now and I feel grief for the future that I thought we were heading towards. It’s a daily struggle holding on to the hope and belief that people resisting bigotry and hate will win out and that people are essentially good at heart. As a result of this I find myself less patient, less tolerant, less willing to listen and easily frustrated by those who refuse to understand. I know that this is part of the problem and that these qualities are important to preserve if we as a society are ever going to move past this awful time and achieve the growth and moral progress as a people that I used to believe us so capable of. It just galls me and I end up feeling prickly and hopeless. I go between feeling so lucidly aware of how awful everything is and wanting to shut it all out so I can feel joy without feeling guilty about being happy. The fact that I have the choice just demonstrates how privileged I am and me even more aware of my own social responsibility.
I recently mailed a couple of letters, one to PM Malcolm Turnbull and one to my local MP, Dr Anne Aly. I got a reply from Aly a couple of days ago which gave me hope that there are still people at a government level fighting the good fight. I guess it is our responsibility to throw our support behind those who seek to do good and having conversations with those who seem like a lost cause. I talked to my mum about it in one of our long philosophical chats, she thinks that the reason that I am feeling so jaded is because I am not coming from the most positive place in my personal circumstances and if we’re already in a headspace where we feel depleted or even if we’re not practicing self care in terms of a healthy lifestyle and doing things that make you feel good, it’s not a very good starting point in terms of relating to other people. Definitely something to think about.
Anyway, that’s enough real talk for one day.
Here’s some links to good things.
- Phillip Pullman announces a new trilogy set in the same world as His Dark Materials.
- This on point video about how all of us have racial bias
- This La La Land medley on Cello and Piano
- This Spotify Playlist called ‘Easy Afternoon’ – I have it on repeat right now.
Until next time,