These past few weeks have been a whirlwind start to 2016. I had family visiting from Perth for a few days – my Aunty Paula and her two kids, my cousins Jas and Ant. I showed them around Liverpool and Manchester like the resident I now am. It still felt a little strange. I don’t think I’ve quite settled into my skin here yet. I probably won’t until I start working. I’ve been in to sign forms and had my photo taken for my security pass but I’m still waiting on some forms to come back before I can start. Because of this, everything still feels so transient, as if I’m on holiday or as if I’ll wake up tomorrow in my old home and everything will be the same as it always was.
In a way, it is almost as if my wings have been cut. I have sacrificed so much to come here including family, friends, my car, my job, some of my independence, certainly my financial stability. I took a leap. I just hope I have made the right decision. I think when I came here I had the ridiculous idea that I would walk right in to a ready made life. I forgot that you have to build a life. Lives are made up of shared experience and I had twenty years to build mine in Australia. I’ve been here for nearly two months and I’ve been expecting to feel like I fit in seamlessly. What I need is a good dose of patience but at the same time to make sure I’m using my time well and being proactive. It’s easy to feel sad and like I’ll never get back what I had. There has definitely been some regressing since I’ve been here which I’m not entirely happy with myself about but I know I’ll get my head back in the game soon.
As contrived as it sounds, I need to focus on my dreams and making incremental steps towards achieving them instead of getting distracted and bogged down by circumstances out of my control and most of all I need to decide what I want.
While waiting for my job to start I’ve been applying to other part time jobs to subsidise my income when I do start work. I’ve also been reading a lot – mostly blogs and journals but I did start Our Endless Numbered Days by Claire Fuller so I’ll report back on that one once I finish. It’s a bit of a slow start so far and definitely has a sinister feel but the writing is good so we’ll see. Otherwise I’ve been discovering music as per usual and revisiting some old favourites, particularly in light of the death of the inimitable David Bowie. If you’d like to have a listen, the Spotify playlist is below.
Until next time,